Notes on placeholders

Even if we all serve one God, the African God would be stronger.
Or is it my white gods, the ones I worshipped
Until they cast me into a well of mirrors
Veiled in my own blackness
– No, the African God is the strongest,
All the others are placeholders.

Your wig – placeholder;
Your diploma – na placeholder;
My new obsession with all things natural –
Placeholders for a later time when I can say
I have tried and tested;
The truth according to now – placeholder.

Two eyes,
One looking outside, the other within,
Searching indiscriminately, finding disharmony
I wish to block out,
Wipe out all the placeholders,
The shame holders,
The she should, we would, cans and coulds,
Obliterate myself into meaningless particles of nothing,
So that the gods may mould me into something else.


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